The Transformative Power Of A Breakup: How To Turn Your Life Around After Heartbreak
Sophie Ryder·February 15, 2022
You’re truly heartbroken. Your eyes are red and puffy and the feeling of loss feels overwhelming. We get it: the pain of a heartbreak is truly gut-wrenching and truly universal. There are few things in life that compare to it, and we want you to know just how much we empathise. We’re wrapping you up in a great, big virtual hug.
But let us ask you this: do you trust the magic of new beginnings? Do you believe that painful experiences can mould us in the most wonderful and unexpected of ways?
You do? Well, we’re glad to hear it, because we promise that this moment of heartbreak won’t last forever. In fact, we hope you know that it’s paving the way for something truly magical and amazing.
You see, pain is a powerful motivator. Neurologically speaking we’re actually hardwired to avoid pain more than we are to seek out pleasure. That’s why, when you’re in the depths of despair after a heartbreak, you often come into your own after a period of healing.
You might realise what’s really important to you and go after that job you thought was out of your league. Or maybe you finally put those big travel plans in motion. Breakups, as difficult as they can be, are a real opportunity to realise your worth and carve out a new life on your own terms.
If your heartache is fresh right now, living your best life is probably the last thing on your mind. Breakups can be achingly painful and when you’re in the aftermath of one it often seems like you’ll never get better.
But we promise you, you will. Not only that, but in time, you can reclaim your self-worth and commit to living life on your own terms. After a breakup, you can carve out a reality that’s better than you ever could have imagined, and we’re here to show you how…
Take some time to feel
Now is not the time to force yourself to be relentlessly positive. Now is a time to feel all your feelings and do what you need in the moment. You’ve gone through a major loss, and you need time to grieve.
Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum emotions of heartbreak without judgement. Sit with them and if it helps, consider getting them out on paper. The process of journaling through your innermost thoughts and feelings – be they grief, anger, fear, or sadness – is proven to be incredibly therapeutic. It can help you move through difficult emotions, and in time let them go.
As you feel your feelings, remember this: there’s no rush. There’s no set timeline for getting over a breakup. In fact, insisting that you should be over it by now or getting frustrated that you’re still feeling broken is counter-productive. There’s no hard and fast rule for how long it takes and your healing journey won’t always be linear. You’ll heal when you heal.
In time, when the wound doesn’t feel so fresh, you might like to try journaling about the positives. What did the relationship teach you and what did you gain from it? What are you feeling most excited about now moving forward? How has this experience made you a stronger, more resilient person?
As you do this, do you notice your energy shift? Are you feeling a little more optimistic, content, and maybe even thankful? Congratulations – you’re healing and it can only get better from here.
Consider what you really want from life
You can be whatever you want to be. That statement is always true, but it rings particularly true right after a breakup when you have an opportunity to both rediscover and reinvent yourself. And the beauty of it is, YOU get to decide what your life looks like now. Nobody else.
So let your imagination run riot. Ask yourself a simple question: If nothing was holding me back, what would I want to do and who would I want to be? Grab a pen and scribble it all out without letting your inner critic get in the way.
Want more good news? It might not seem like it now, but a breakup allows you to get clear on what you want from a relationship too. In fact, every breakup brings you one step closer to defining what you do and don’t want in an ideal partner. Each one helps you hone your preferences. That’s really good news, because when you’re clear about what you want, you’re destined to get it.
Work through your limiting beliefs
We attract the love we think we deserve and if, up until now, you’ve attracted partners who aren’t compatible with you, you likely have some limiting beliefs lurking beneath the surface.
When you feel ready, become aware of the negative thoughts that are on a loop in your brain. What are you telling yourself about your ability to give and receive love? What do you believe to be true about romantic relationships?
Jot each limiting belief down and begin replacing each one with an empowering statement. Say you’ve been telling yourself that you aren’t good enough to be in a relationship and you aren’t worthy of being loved. You could turn that belief on its head by repeating: “I am perfect exactly as I am and I deserve a partner who loves and cherishes me.”
For added oomph, grab our mirror markers and scribble those mantras on your bathroom mirror.
Repeating affirmations like these doesn’t just make you feel better in the moment; they literally seep into your subconscious, rewire your beliefs, and empower you to create a whole new reality.
Focus on self love
When you’re in a relationship, you’re pouring a whole lot of love into another person. Now that you’re newly single you get to pour all of that love into yourself. Just imagine how confident, empowered and content you’ll feel when you do that.
Self-love involves honouring what you need in the moment while also honouring your future self by following through on the actions that take you closer to your goals. It could be treating yourself to a lie in when you need extra rest, nourishing your body with nutritious food, focusing on gratitude, or pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to meet a goal.
Our advice is to schedule a self-care action every single day. It’s a surefire way to make yourself a priority, and we’ve given you a space in The Head Plan Productivity & Wellness Journal to do just that.
A pro tip? Take yourself on regular solo dates. It can be daunting at first but can feel incredibly empowering. So go on, pop a ‘me day’ in the calendar, relish the independence, and show up for yourself like you would a lover. You’re worth it.
Throw yourself into new (or old) activities
Found yourself with oodles of free time now that you’re no longer coupled up? Consider it a wonderful blessing and make the most of it. The possibilities are endless: you could arrange regular catch ups with your friends, join a new class, or even rediscover a latent hobby that you side-lined during the relationship.
Use The Head Plan Productivity & Wellness Journal to get really clear about your short-term goals. Ask yourself this: what would give me the most joy, boost my self-worth and allow me to put my free time to the best use?
Once you’ve decided on activities that’ll fill your cup to overflowing, schedule them in and make them a part of your daily or weekly routine. It’s easy to feel the pain of loss during a breakup, but look at all you could potentially gain?
This is your moment…
Everything in your life happens for a reason. That’s true of the good stuff and the bad, and this breakup is a sign that you’re destined for more. Healing can be so transformational, and though it may not feel like it right at this moment, your pain can be a force for good.
A chapter of your life may have closed, but a new one, filled with wonderful opportunities, fulfilling friendships, and good vibes is about to begin.