Find Your Tribe: How To Make New Friends As An Adult
There are few things in life that are more fulfilling, life-affirming, and empowering than good friends. You know the kind we mean: they’re the people who build you up, make you laugh until your belly hurts, and allow you to be your best, most authentic, and unfiltered self.
Who you surround yourself with is a reflection of who you are and influences your thoughts, behaviours and actions. In fact, according to science, you are the grand sum of the five people you spend the most time with.
If you aren’t surrounded by a great group of pals right now, you might be feeling a little down on yourself. Maybe you don’t have people you can rely on or only have friends who hold you back and keep you locked in a circle of bad habits.
You may have bought into the (false) idea that you’re too old to make new friends or told yourself that you don’t have the confidence to make social connections that are good for the soul. We’re here to dispel those myths. At any point in your life, you can go out and find your tribe.
So, are you ready to make some wonderful new pals? Great – we’re so excited to hear it. First though, let’s look at the formula for a fulfilling friendship, shall we?
What do good friendships actually look like?
You feel inspired in their company
No dream or goal feels silly – in fact, when you share your vision with them, they’re ready and willing to hype you up. Turns out, they’ve got some pretty inspiring goals of their own, and you can’t help but feel motivated and uplifted in their company.
You feel like your most authentic self around them
Anything goes when you’re with this life-affirming pal and being around them feels like a permission slip to just be you.A good friend like this loves and appreciates you exactly as you are, quirky habits and all.
They respect your boundaries – and you theirs
Need to cancel plans to have an extra night of self-care? No problem – they totally get it and want you to make yourself a number one priority. Turned down their invite to go paintballing? It’s okay, they understand it’s not really your vibe. Good friendships are based on a mutual respect for each other’s boundaries. It’s not a big deal when either one of you says no.
How To Find New Friends
Get clear about the kind of friend you want to attract
Just like landing your dream job or meeting your soulmate, attracting your tribe involves getting crystal clear on the specifics: it’s the same process you use to achieve all of your other goals.
So, right now, close your eyes and visualize what a fulfilling friendship looks like to you. Maybe it’s hanging out with someone who you can share your hopes, dreams, and visions with, or perhaps you see yourself with a gaggle of pals sharing regular adventures. Do you hope to attract one new friendship that inspires you on a daily basis or are you keen to meet loads of lovely new people, who fulfil in lots of different ways?
Know this: by completing this simple step, you’ve already put your goals in motion and are 42 percent more likely to see them come to fruition.
Let go of friendships that no longer serve you
Sometimes friendships run their course. It’s normal to grow apart and to move on and it doesn’t make you a bad person or a terrible friend. Other times, friendships can turn toxic. They may be full of unnecessary drama and recurring conflict.
This is your opportunity to reassess the friendships you currently have and make a decision. Are there any that are draining you, hindering you, or bringing you down? Are there certain friends you don’t just ‘click’ with the way you used to?
Often in life you have to let go of the stuff that’s no longer working, to make room for the things that really fill your cup.
Just say yes
Yes, is a powerful word. Often it opens us up to limitless possibilities and that’s certainly true when you’re on the hunt for new friends.
Got a pal who’s asked you along to a friend's birthday party? Saying yes may help you meet a whole host of new pals. Received a notification about a flower arranging course that’s piqued your interest? You could connect with a group of great people if you go.
Be on the lookout for new friendship opportunities – whether it’s an invitation to join a book club that meets every Tuesday or the chance to sign up to a personal development workshop where you could meet lots of like-minded people.
And when do you find those opportunities? Remember to say YES.
Find online communities
Whether you’re a new mum seeking support, a personal development enthusiast, or someone who has just moved to a new city and wants to find some new friends, there is an online community for you. All you have to do is find it.
It could be a Facebook group filled with like-minded people, a Tinder-style app that’s focused on helping you find friendships or a meetup website that notifies you of events in your area.
If inspiring conversations and inspirational content are what you’re after, we reckon there’s no better place to be than The Head Plan app. It’s full to the brim with people who are ready to offer inspiring words of encouragement and are just as committed to personal development as you are. Considered them your new friends.
Make the first move
They say that fortune favours the brave, and that’s why stepping a little outside of your comfort zone is a crucial ingredient when it comes to making new friends. Whether it’s signing up to that new class where you know lots of new friends await or asking an acquaintance if they’d like to hang out sometime, you have to act before the fear-based part of your brain kicks in.
When we hesitate, the ego, the fear-based part of us that rules out inhibitions, jumps in and stops us from taking action that moves us forward. The next time you’re in a position where you need to do something that feels a little uncomfortable, count down from five and do it before doubt creeps in. It’ll pay off – we promise.
Be the friend you want to attract
Did you know that like attracts like and the energy you put out into the world inevitably comes back to you? That’s why it’s so important to embody the energy of the friendships you want to surround you.
You’ve likely heard the phrase ‘Kindness is like confetti, sprinkle it everywhere’. Start acting from that space of unconditional kindness. Extend the hand of friendship to strangers and acquaintances, complete a random act of kindness for a friend, and be that person in the group who takes the initiative to make plans.
Once you embody that feeling of friendship, the uplifting, soul-affirming friendships you’ve been craving, will start to appear.
Your Tribe Is Awaits…
You’re never too old to make new friends. In fact, at any given moment you can choose to surround yourself with good people who light a spark within you. Like any goal, finding new friends involves getting clear, taking action, and aligning your energy and behaviours.
Friendships that fulfil you are waiting. So go forth, and choose wisely.